People go to NASCAR for the crashes, which is the opposite reason why people go to circus performances. To see a juggler drop the club is disappointing and awkward. I went to a circus performance by myself today. It’s been a pathetic day. I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m just going to listen Al Green on repeat until I’m not sad anymore.
I walked into my apartment to Alexa and her...
Alexa: How was your date?
Me: It was good, movies and drinks, you know. And some smoochin'. This time, though, I tried to slip some tongue and he was NOT having it. What do you think this means?
Alexa: I don't know...
Alexa: But what if I did know what that means? And I was like it means blah blah, blah blah.
Steroids make everything feel better.
Leaving Herbie’s apartment, I walked behind a couple. The girl kept talking about pulling switch blades from her cunt and stabbing people and killing people. I passed them, and as I walked down the block the guy yelled at me “you’re fucking weird. YOU’Re fucking WEIRD.” Really I was just cold and trying to get out of west philly. I looked down at my jacket and felt,...
suit and tie shit tied shit tied (coping a lot...
in my google search history is you! along with cute baby banana video and what snake venom does to blood is the overwhelming question that always starts with you and ends unresolved: how do you let go of someone?
Everyone's last and you're not first.
just gonna say fuck it and not brush my hair and not change outta yesterdays clothes and just go to wholefoods
sassydetective: we all have that one cup in our house that is somehow better than the other ones
its like, one day i'll have to confess to my...
im drunk and alone in philadelphia. but it’s ok.
you need a distraction from yo vaggina
Sometimes I find one of the hardest things of...
And we should all just sit back, take a breath and...
"And you're all, 'nice inverted nipple'"
I just had the most explicit anal sex dream with a...
I woke up and realized we were out of half n’ half. My dad told me I couldn’t go to the store in my bath robe.
me: hey. happy thanksgiving. here's some thoughtful things I'm drunkenly texting you.
cellphone//boy: yah, happy Thanksgiving. gerble gerble.
I just had a dream where I fell in love with Art...
I just really want to comment nasty things on ex-lovers profile pictures. Mean things; thinking in the back of my head: how did I ever sleep with such faggots? I’m up early to go to the gym though I still don’t really know how to work out. And sometimes you just really like the smell of your own farts, ok?
the tv volume my grandmother watches TV on is...
she likes to watch two and a half men
The penis even has its own credit card
Today I guy ran past my an my mom while we were walking by the lake and his junk was pressed so tightly up against his running tights we could see the head of his penis and the outline of his ballz. The head of his penis. Ballz. I screamed, as is the natural reaction, and my mother scolded me saying, “Don’t ever give the penis recognition. Men love it when you call attention to their...
I COULDN'T SEE THE LOVE AND AFFECTION, IT WAS...
Even in my dreams I'm asking, "Why can't ya'll get...